When we are in a positive, happy, fun loving space, those words leave us feeling empowered, superhuman, 'I'm doing good'. The worlds my Oyster, we dance through life enjoying the moments.
When we are in a crisis and we need some help and support. These words can be negative.
I have found that when I need support, kindness and compassion, when I've gained enough courage to ask for someone's help and I hear the words' 'Your strong'. I crumble inside, I wither and feel empty! Really I do, I get that hollow feeling in my stomach. I feel like shouting, Yes I'm strong, yet right now I'm not, I need some help, I don't say these words, I become quiet and find myself agreeing with advice that I'm not actually listening to.
To be told you're strong in a crisis, can leave you feeling as though you should not be asking for help. That you should be able to 'deal' with the issues, even if you feel they are bigger than you. That your knowledge and coping mechanisms are not beneficial to you, they are just they are a bit wonky right now, all your abilities still exist, they are overshadowed by current issues, past issues, issues you can't do anything about (or think you can't do anything about). We all, each and everyone of us, need support at different times in our lives, for differing reasons and intensity.
The next time a friend. a client, family member or a total stranger asks for support, consider your words, acknowledge they are in crisis, confused and frightened. If you can give a hug and reassurance.
Use the words
That's unlike you, you must be wobbling
Lets see if we can unravel this together
I'm here, I'm listening, I'll work alongside you to unravel this mess. Yes, you are strong, right now you need someone to stand with you.... or anything along those lines, as long as your intent is authentic and true, your support will bring positive results with the person losing nothing, gaining insight and (whoop whoop) a crisis defeated.
Remember we don't all ask for help in the same way, Listen and Hear what is being said.
Written by Liz Wilde
Holistic Life Coach